What makes your spirit sing?

It's Sunday morning. Tomorrow starts another work week. Some weeks fill me with such melancholia that it borders on dread. Not because I hate my job. It's both challenging and compelling. Not because I hate the people I work with. I respect and admire most of my colleagues and consider quite a few my friends. Not because there is no value the work. I feel almost passionate about what I am trying to accomplish. I just feel so small and insignificant and the job is so big. Too big. Which means meetings and pleas for help. Without out going into boring details, suffice it to say that at this stage of the project, I need to be a salesman. I am learning this a little late, but having caught on, I am now onboard. Unfortunately, I am not a salesman. I would prefer to quietly work on something more creative. On something that feeds my soul.

Early in my career, I settled for a technical bent that provided a means to support my family. It was acceptable (to the soul-searching part of me) because my kids were young, life was busy, and software engineering offered some creative outlet. I don't write software anymore. Somewhere along the way, I took on the less desireable roles of software integration, which slowly morphed as the industry changed into software configuration management. And then, looking for something more, requirements development. And then requirements management. Process. Process development. Looking back, that's where I should have cried 'Stop!' Sigh. But as I said, important, even compelling in that I have exposure to portfolio management and decisions that affect the direction of the company. Exposure to, not involvement in...

As my children grew and found their own lives, I found new creative outlets. I draw. I paint. I tried metal sculpture (loved it, but access to equipment is a bit of a hardship). Now I find that I work about fifty hours a week, with occassional travel. I visit my family on the weekends. And I draw and paint in what free time I can find. Which doesn't leave much time for keeping house. I'm looking around this morning and finding that there are piles of clutter stuffed in every possible closet, corner and cupboard...my email inbox (work) is overflowing, I've promised to update a presentation for the project...and I want to paint. So naturally, the escapist in me starts a blog!

I've joined etsy. I love to browse the work of other artists. It makes me feel like a part of the community. I posted my Fence Post Fish, made from the top two feet of the pickets from the old fence we recently replaced. If even one had sold, today would be about more fish, but they are about to expire. This isn't depressing, it's just motivating me to venture out mentally, challenging me to come up with something better. Something that makes me happy to create and that will pay for my supplies. Something that will nurture my spirit.

And if it feeds my hope that one day I will find an opportunity that will allow me to make a living doing things that make my spirit sing.

--mary